DeityNyota

For Those Who Go Beyond Boundaries

Archive for April 2010

The Beam in My Eye

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Whom are we to JudgeA friend of mine contacted me via email back in 2005 while I was still living in Japan. We’ve known one another every sense Jr. High back in  my home state of Texas. Both she and I were Navy, I joined a year after she did. And we would keep in touch with one another off and on from time to time. Well, my mother told me that she’d passed my contact information to her after relocation, because she’d found that my friend was stationed not to far from me in Maryland. I was happy, because I was still new to the state, and I hadn’t yet made friends. So we exchanged a few emails, but for some strange reason she was scared to meet with them. I didn’t understand why, because this was someone who I’d known for the majority of my life. She disclosed to me that she was afraid to meet with me, because she was living life as a lesbian (she had a girlfriend). She was still active duty Navy, but she was unable to simply be her self, due to the military polices that exclude homosexuals of serving openly.  She stated that she’d cried herself to sleep that night when she told me, because she feared I would no longer speak to her after disclosing such personal information. But I wanted her to understand that how she lives her life, had no bearing on the her being an extended member of my family.

Now, I know what the bible says about homosexuality. How its an abomination, its ‘nasty’, wrong and can earn you a one way ticket to hell. In which (based on my faith) I feel that in many ways it may. But I have to understand that I myself am not perfect. There are ‘such things’ in my life, wrong doings that I’ve committed that can earn me a seat on that bus departing for gates of Hades if I’m not careful. Once I spoke to my friend briefly via email, she explained that it was such a relief for her to see the words ‘who am I to judge’ in the text of my response. she stated that gesture of kindness and humility from me, reassured her that there are still ‘good’ people in this world whom really embodies the teachings of Christ. Meaning they accept people for who they are as individuals, and not make them feel as if they must be spiritually ‘perfect’ to be accepted. It’s amazing to me, how Christ could walk amongst thieves, beggars, con-artist and prostitutes, and still show them the love of god free of making them feel as if non-repentance meant immediate death. His humility made him classy; because he never engaged in garbage. he never spoke words of slander, he never cast harsh judgment, and he never made anyone feel as if they where undeserving or unworthy of the love of our father.  And because he was so peaceful he was able to walk amongst those whom society had already cast to hell prior to judgement, and steering them towards the righteous path.

Why can’t all ‘Christians’ be like Jesus?

Why is it that so many people whom dawn their armor in the Army of the Lord our father, spend more time condemning people who don’t live life the way they think they should, than they do trying to lead by example?

For me personally, I don’t judge anyone on how they chose to live their lives. I make the decision to involve myself with them based heavily on how they treat people, how they treat themselves, and how they view life. Meaning are they positive in thought process? do they give the same respect they expect to receive? Are they hard-working, dedicated to their craft and motivated (do they motivate others? I learned that at times the vessels in which god’s words and blessings are shipped don’t always arrive in the ‘containers’ we expect to see them in. I may not approve of their life style, I may not find it to be something that I personally would give into, but I don’t have to look upon them as if they’re ‘trash’ or waste because I personally chose the walk of Christ. I feel that in showing humility (being Christ like) towards those whom I deem as being misguided, I can show them what it means to live abundantly in his grace. If he can forgive us for our sins (paying the price) why is it so difficult for us to forgive one another?

I’ve had the chance to travel to various parts of the world and meet people from all walks of life. I’ve met people whom gave the persona of being the true embodiment of what it means to have a covenant with god. Only to find they where as phony as a 2 bill. On the flip side of that, I’ve met people whom engaged in premarital sex, gay/lesbian, drank, smoke, and curse like a sailor; yet some of the most straight forward, ‘real’, and truthful people you’d ever meet. Because the know who they are, and they’re truthful to themselves. They don’t have to put up false pretenses; or do things to be indoctrinated into group think. So these imperfect people tend to me more acceptance of who they are as an individual, living life free of pressure to prove they can walk on water.

I ask that by no means people take this as I’m an advocate for homosexuality, or that I think it’s cool to be a drunken fornicator. But I just wonder what makes some ‘believers’ feel they’re so perfect, that they can judge those who aren’t?

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April 30, 2010 at 6:53 pm

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Almost a Lost Cause

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My sister and I was laughing at the good old days of our childhood. Acknowledging that if we’d known back then what we know to today, we’d done things a little bit different in our lives. But we had to giggle childishly at one instance with her and I that caused us to get the @sswhipping of our lives.  At times when we where younger she would drive me crazy with wearing my clothes, knowing dam well they where to big. Well, she and I got into a fight over this wind-breaker that I purchased when my flag team placed 2nd during a state competition. The disagreement got so heated, that soon the cursing insults where traded with slaps and punches; and my father happen to over hear the verbal and physical exchange. After being rewarded with several lashes across the @$$, having the jacket being removed from my closet, and two weeks of having to stare at one another’s ugly mug in the same room, I realized that fighting over that jacket wasn’t really that serious.

My father told us that day that no matter what worldly possessions, how much money we have, or what paths our lives in the future would take us, all we would really and truly have in this world was

1. God

2. The love of our family

3. Pride and self respect

Now as kids, hearing his words of wisdom meant nothing at the moment. Because the only thing that was important to me was me taking all my belongings and moving them from my little sisters reach. But it wasn’t until I left home and joined the service that I started to really and truly understand his message. After traveling to various parts of the world and seeing the plight of those who’re forced to do without, I realized what bearing my fathers words had in my life. And I realized that the ‘little’ things that kids worry about today, here in the U.S. are nothing compaired to the more important issues that are detrimental to the lives of those whom live outside of our comfort zone here in the U.S.

The kids of day have no direction. They have no real grasp of self-respect, pride and dignity in my personal opinion. This is not to say that all of them conduct themselves in such a fashion, but I observe these ‘youngsters’ in their natural state, and I a generation of lost souls. Young and impressionable minds that are more consumed with the latest fashion, catchy hooks and degrading verses, internet porn, money, and in most cases sex. School yards today can become one of two things, a fashion show, or a crime scene. Classrooms are no longer a scholastic environment; because they’ve been transformed into breeding grounds for juicy gossip, and stereotypical characters. Our youth have no direction! They have very little to no parental counsel, because parents of today have reversed the roles of parent, to close friends. Fathers are no longer being men and raising their children, and mothers seem to spend more time chasing a man than they do finding good men to teach their sons how to be one.

But are they a lost cause?

Do we turn our backs on them and chalk them up to being a generation of shiftless, lazy, unappreciative ingrates whom desire nothing more in life than to have a “Miss Becky” or a “Sponsor”? Or do we as people whom was raised by ‘big ma’am’ and crazy “uncle Joe” ; take them by the hand and show them the way? If you even ask some (most) of these young men what they aspire to be, you hear either

A. a professional ball player

B. a rap star

0_o? When does it end? when will these youngsters pull up their pants, put on some clothes that fit, put down the cell phones, log off the internet  and realize that if they don’t do something now to improve their future tomorrow, they will be a ‘lost cause’.

Written by DeityNyota

April 17, 2010 at 3:53 am

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Well, what’s wrong with you?

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I recently read on one of my favorite blog sites a posting that addressed the plight of single African American Women’.  And during this blog this guy rambles on about the infamous 70% of African American women who’re single (no thanks to Oprah); and the ever looming issue of ‘good black men’ being either gay and/or incarcerated. And it’s fine to address these ‘issues’ within the African American community. Because the only way you’ll change them is if you face them, am I right? But why has it become the latest and greatest ‘hot button’ topic of debate?

This ‘topic’ has gained so much attention that it’s even becoming debated and deliberated overseas in the UK and parts of South and Central America; where black men are now raking in the frequent flyer miles seeking future wives. There was even an article (or blog) addressing this issue titled ‘Do black Men Prefer Dominican Woman over American Women?” on The Fly Guy Chronicles

(http://www.flyguychronicles.com/2010/02/do-black-men-prefer-dominican-women-over-their-own/)

And in Essence.   But with the entire buzz amidst our ears of why 42 to 70 percent of black women are unwed, one must wonder where is all this coming from? Why is it now such an issue that women (mainly black women) are not hopping the broom? Is it because in finding fault with black women; it’s somehow takes the burden of ‘fault’ off black men?

Now I know as children we’re taught that our sole purpose in life is to grow up, get married, have kids, living in the white house on the hill, with the white picket fence, dog and cat and a (black) husband that ‘brings home the bacon’. We’re taught that we’re not to even consider having a child out of wed lock, or even thinking twice about engaging in a relationship with a woman. We’re taught that dating or marrying a man who’s not black (much less having their children) will bring disgrace upon our father’s family name and that it’s strongly recommended that we be wed prior to magic age of 30 (to a black man). And I know I’m not the only woman whom received these lessons in life from my parents and elders as a child.

 But, what if life doesn’t happen that way?

What if you decide that having a family prior to age 30 is not for you, much less making the decision to never have a family or be addressed by the title of Mrs.?

What if you, being the strong, successful, independent and educated ‘diva’  that you are decide that going to school, earning your degree, purchasing your own home and establishing your ‘Queendom’ first is what’s best for you in the here and now;  and then finding a ‘man’ later on in life?

Does that mean something is wrong with you, because you don’t live the ‘cookie-cutter’ predestine life that has been established for you based on your race and sex?

Does this mean that you’ve gone against the grain and have unknowingly participated in a revolt against a preferably conservative life style for ‘successful’ black women?

What if you decide that you love a man who’s skin tone doesn’t match yours? Do you marry him because you love him, or do you let him go because he’s not the right hue?

What if you’re lesbian? What if your heart belongs to a girlfriend who’s now your ‘girlfriend’? Since you’re union doesn’t count (assumed) before God and (legally) before the courts of law, have you failed in life as well?

I sometimes sit back and listen to people talk out the side of their necks on this issue, and I wonder ‘who determines if a woman is living her life right’? Why is our society more obsessed with a (black) woman’s material status, than it is doing something about the more serious issues that plague our streets? Not every single black woman is dying to have a ring on her finger; much less sharking the streets looking to consume someone else man like fresh chum. So many social-psycho analyst and scientist, doctors, and literary professors are increasingly joining the ranks amongst the plethora of talk show host, internet bloggers and shoppers in line at ‘Bloom’ grocery store pitching their two cents in as of to why I’m single.

And its honestly amazing to sit back and watch the spectacle of three ring antics that comes forward with people voicing their own opinions as of to why black women are finding it so much more difficult to find a lifelong partner, than that of our sisters of other races.  Who says it’s more difficult for us though? What if we’re just not as egger to become wed (and soon after divorced) as other woman? What if its a subconscious, subliminal satellite uplink being downloaded into the celestial of all women of African descent on a separate frequency, that’s telling us to wait!  What if god as has a commercially reserved antenna that transmits a beaconing to ‘sista’s that he’s working on sending the right man for them their way, and that she must patiently wait his arrival? For when he does find her, their wave lengths with have the same digital signature that syncs his transmitter to her receiver, letting them know that they’re a perfect match? 

The clowns  that ride their unicycles and juggle their personal reasoning’s for choosing not to date/marry black woman are nothing more than mere side show freaks; being used at their expense for the amusement of any other race of people whom speak negatively about African Americans.  These black ‘men’ don’t understand that every time they cut black women down and call us our names they aid in the ‘tom foolery’ that makes us look like the baboons depicted in black face menstrual shows. They feed into the common misconceptions about all black women;  that has spread like a common cold from one thought process to the next, worldwide. Not all of us are rude, aggressive, loud, fake (fake hair, nails, eyes, shoes, clothes and accessories), ‘boujetto’, fat, unattractive, ugly to the bone and manless. We don’t all look and sound like Rasputia of Eddie Murphy’s blockbuster flop “Norbit”;  we’re not all video ‘hip hop honey’s like Melisa Ford, or Buffy the Body (with an abnormally large rear end) ; We don’t all have numerous babies from differ men, on government assistance with high blood pressure, sugar diabetes living in section 8 housing.  So there’s no need for our brotha’s to fly half way across the world to find a ‘good woman’.

All these negative stereotypes, insults, cut downs, verbal assaults and generalizations hurt. When I see these negative images, hear these bone cutting words being used to describe my grandmother, mother, sister, niece, cousins, close friends and myself; it causes me to become withdrawn within myself.

 My sister ‘s whom gain a few pounds after giving birth to a future king or queen covers herself for fear of being seen as unattractive, used goods.

My sister who’s educated, god-fearing and down to earth comes to the realization that in order to find her place next to her king, she must be seated as queen next to a man who’s not of her own people.

 My sister who’s struggling to make ends meet, due to a lack of support from the father of her child assumes the role of being ghetto, loud, aggressive and in section 8. Why not? Why be any other way when it’s already assumed that this is who she is?

Written by DeityNyota

April 16, 2010 at 11:37 pm

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