DeityNyota

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I Love the words “Vast” and “Majority”, Indirect Generalization of Black Women.

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Gold Digger 4

Let’s look at the word’s “vast” and “majority”.

vast [vɑːst]

adj

1. unusually large in size, extent, degree, or number; immense
2. (prenominal) (intensifier) in vast haste

ma·jor·i·ty

[muh-jawr-i-tee, -jor-]  Show IPA

noun, plural ma·jor·i·ties.

1. the greater part or number; the number larger than half the total ( opposed to minority ): the majority of the population.

Put these words together and you’re pretty much able to make a broad sweeping generalization about a targeted group of people, a specific location, or thing.
I bring these two words together for an extensive examination, because I find it  amazing how some black men and women believe that their limited experience with a few individuals of the opposite sex constitutes an over all experience with the ‘vast majority’ of black men/women. The incorporation of this compound word into a sentence by any individual engage in a conversation about the opposite sex demonstrates a level of small minded pettiness; which assist them with comfortably labeling another being, pointing fingers and laying blame on the opposing gender for the dysfunctions they’ve experienced in their lives.
“They” think they know what girls like
Some of the most interesting conversations I’ve had with these ‘vast majority’ users, are heavily focused on the assumed preference in mate that they believe all black women share. These individuals tend t think that the ‘majoirty’ of us are seeking the same thing in a future husband. And in most cases  are the most negative of stereo-typical personality traits that range from
A Thug: Many black men I’ve spoken to assume that every black woman wants to engage in a heated bout of ‘thug passion’ with the newly released convict.
The “Baller”: These are the men who make close to or is currently making 6 figures annually.
The Rapper/Hip Hop Star: Normally these are the brothers who’re in-between jobs until Manny-Fresh or Jay Z approaches him with a contract deal after being overheard spitting rhymes at the barber shop.
The “P.I.M.P“: SOME black men mistakenly assume that ALL black women see the player type as being a challenge that must be met and defeted. As if many of us don’t already have or own issues; these men think that ALL of us want to carry the emotional bags of a pimp, in conjunction with our own. Hell, I’m too busy trying to figure out life for myself (dealing with my own issues); what in the world makes these men think I want to add more strife to my life, trying to figure out why some male whore can’t settle down with one woman.
Trust me when I say I don’t have the desire to answer of the actions of a woman from a P.I.M.P or players past.
As of late, its become increasingly

amazing how we witness harsh judgment of a black woman’s choice in mates, while never really hear anyone judging women of other ethnicities who chose to date/marry/have children with the ‘bad boy’ stereotypes.

Its as if black women are the only women in the world (walking the face of this earth) he go for bad boy ‘thugs’; rich men with money, or men who fail to stay faithful to one woman.

“Dammed if we do and Dammed If we Don’t”

Black women are constantly ostracized for such choices by disgruntled, frustrated men; whom in the same breath will provide the same persecution to a black woman who chooses to date/marry/have children with a man who doesn’t meet the listed requirements, but happens to be of another ethnicity.  They’ll make these ridiculously justifiable comments bout black women in bi-racial relationships/marriages that are along the lines of

“She’s a trader to her own kind”

Or

“Someone had to love her, because no black man would want her”

American born black women are continually singled out as targets of criticism in such areas as looks, love life, dating/marriage, parenting, education,  size, shape, build, height, weight, skin color, hair texture, language, home of origin; you name it and there’s a Vblog on YouTube judging us for it.  When McDonald’s continued the McRib, black women was blamed for that. Gas prices sky rocketing, you’ve guessed it, black women conspired with President Obama on that one.  The stock market crash, ‘we’ did that too, the price of weaves was too high, so we shut that whole thing down.

Although, I’m being sarcastic here; (to me personally) it does feel as if

 black women bare the brunt of all the issues faced by the African American Community. We’re even blamed for the absent fathers and high incarceration rates of African American men; because the word on the street is that “The Vast Majority” of us drove them out the homes and into prison.

As a black woman, I’ve noticed that we can’t be too educated and to self-sufficient because then we’re ‘too independent’. But we can’t be too reliant on a man for support because now we’re gold-digging baby mama.

 

 

Should we make the mistake of choosing to give a brother with priors a chance, we’re an ignorant misguided black woman who craves “thug Loven”. But if we don’t give a brother with priors a chance then our standards are too high. As one man told me

 

 

“You may have to dig in the dirt to find  your prince”.

 

 

If we as women are gainfully employed, educated, and a home-owner (like THE VAST MAJORITY of women I know personally) then we’re “boojie” and high maintenance. Which makes us undesirable to a lot of black men; because now they feel as if they don’t ‘fit’ into our life styles or have anything to offer to the union.  Many black women are made to feel as if no matter what choice we make in mate, or what characteristics we say we’re seeking, there will be a unanimous vote taken by the He-Man Woman Hater Committee that rules in the favor of stating we ain’t about s_____.  Thus we don’t deseve to seek a ‘good man’ because to them we’re not ‘good women’. There’s a standard placed upon our heads as women that state we must be of lesser value (looks, money, education, social status, personal liquidable  assets) than the men we’re seeking, IF we want our hand to be taken in marriage. Because it must be a black man (and a black man only) that comes in and plays ‘Captain Save’em”.

 

But until then, here’s some generalizations the “vast majority” of you black women may want to adhere too:

1. You must be single for a long period of time when he meets you. Because he’ll ask his boys if they know you. And if anyone he knows has dated or hooked up with you recently (like within the past 10 years) you’re disqualified. He can’t be with  you knowing one of his boys ‘knows’ you. But, you should give him a shot even if one of your girls ‘knows’ him.  Let’s be real here, he’s a man! Men explore themselves, and she just happen to be something he was doing back in the day (or recently). “That was before I met you boo”.

2. Stay celibate, so that he knows no one is running up in it. But! when you meet him (should he decide to get serious with you, but not make you his wife just yet) give in and give him some. He needs to ‘test’ you to see if you’re sexually compatible and worth him making you his wife.  And besides, it adds ‘spice’ to the chase. Your celibacy serves as a challenge to him, to see if he can get it. Its like an added bonus to know he was able to ‘stuff the muffiin’ when most brother’s failed to do so.

3. If you’re a single mother; you must look good, be in great shape, educated, have a well paying job and have well-behaved children. If not, you’re a gold-digging Baby Ma’ma that’s seeking another sperm donor and child support check. And you’re disqualifed. But that’s only if he’s considering you for anything other than a friends with benefits situation. Because if you’re just a quick ‘hit’ none of this matters; you won’t be his wife and he’s not raising another mans kids.

4. If you’re single don’t be too smart (at least not smarter than him) because you must be ‘lead’ and taught the ways of the world by him (not the other way around). And if he learns anything from you then you’re “too head strong” “too independent” and trying to wear the pants in the relationship. And you’re disqualified. Unless, you’re just a quick hit; then again none of this matters.

5. This is the most important one of all! Get out our pen and pad and make sure you take this one down. ONLY date a black man. As a black woman its your duty and responsibility to only date brothers who’re accepted by the brotha’s when they see the two of you walking down the street together.  Because the brotha’s want to make sure that you’re keeping it 100 as a black woman and staying true to the cause. TO HELL if YOUR relationship with a man is about being loved by someone who loves you, the ‘brotha commity’ wants to ensure that no one of another ethnicity is getting a taste of ‘chocolate’. But, its ok for black men to engage in inter-racial dating/marriage, because they’re just getting the ‘man’ back for over 400 years of oppression and slavery.

When Being Freaky is Being Plain Greedy

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Image I happend to run across this posting on a friends Facebook page that I frequent and stir the pot of controversy in from time to time.  The posting read

“I’m a 39 year old black man who’s so much in love with my wife… But at the same time I’m real freak…I have fantasize about having a threesome…how do I go about telling her.”

Keeping it PG here, he explained that she’s no longer providing the ‘spark’ that he’d once experienced upon meeting her many years back; and that he was contemplating adding an ‘additional member‘ to his team. In his mind, he felt that this would bring forward a newness of passion that would provide excitement to a rather dull love life. But, the new team member could only be coached by him! Since he was the team hitter, no one else (no other man) could step up to the plate and take a swing at his wife. “that’s me and mines” he proudly stated.

Here’s my take on this whole issue that men face when dealing with desires of new flesh.

I had to explain to him that its quite possible that he’s not the only one who’s think about a new member if that area of his marriage is lacking. Trust and believe there are times that his wife deals with pleasing him while sacrificing her own needs (and possibly thinking about something new). And I assured him (as well as many other men that’ve had this conversation with) that his spouse may not feel that his performance is all that great either. Thus she’s putting the same efforts into these lack luster sessions as he is. You get what you give. When ever your spouse feels that being with you becomes a duty, he/she will no longer feel a desire for intimacy. Because now it becomes one of those chores that we must do but really lack the time, patience or energy to complete.

You’ll experience this lack when YOU as their spouse fail to continue to do the same things you did to get them, as a means of keeping them. Drafting a new member to your husband and wife team does nothing but add complications to a situation involving two people who’s business should be kept amongst themselves. The bedroom is the sanctuary of a married couples love; that’s designed to nurture the intimacy they share between one another, contained within the vows they took before God unto each other. Their flesh has become one. And the last thing anyone (man or woman) should want to do is bring forward someone who’s values for love and intimacy may not be the same as yours, or that may bring added drama into your union.

I personally can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want someone else to view first hand the dysfunction between them and their spouse? The most intimate details that should shared between the woman/man in which you’ve formed a covenant before God should be taken before God, not “Sugar” the shake dancer.

But I found it funny how he loved his wife so much; and she was everything he ever wanted in a woman; but he was unwilling to ensure that she was just as satisfied as he wanted to be. He couldn’t see how selfish he was in his desire for new flesh; using the cop-out that its in his nature as a man to want more than one lover. This ‘desire’ which is really greed was causing him to have a mental block, that was hindering his ability to see the sensuality in his wife. His self-proclaimed ‘freakiness’ was nothing more than a selfish justification to satisfy his lust for another woman. Because I’m sure he’s already got the woman he wants to introduce to his wife picked out. If he hasn’t already slept with her.

After an exchange of opinions, he finally admitted that he simply really wanted to leave his wife for another woman. Which is a classic case of someone thinking that the grass is greener on the other side.