DeityNyota

For Those Who Go Beyond Boundaries

Posts Tagged ‘Divorce

When Being Freaky is Being Plain Greedy

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Image I happend to run across this posting on a friends Facebook page that I frequent and stir the pot of controversy in from time to time.  The posting read

“I’m a 39 year old black man who’s so much in love with my wife… But at the same time I’m real freak…I have fantasize about having a threesome…how do I go about telling her.”

Keeping it PG here, he explained that she’s no longer providing the ‘spark’ that he’d once experienced upon meeting her many years back; and that he was contemplating adding an ‘additional member‘ to his team. In his mind, he felt that this would bring forward a newness of passion that would provide excitement to a rather dull love life. But, the new team member could only be coached by him! Since he was the team hitter, no one else (no other man) could step up to the plate and take a swing at his wife. “that’s me and mines” he proudly stated.

Here’s my take on this whole issue that men face when dealing with desires of new flesh.

I had to explain to him that its quite possible that he’s not the only one who’s think about a new member if that area of his marriage is lacking. Trust and believe there are times that his wife deals with pleasing him while sacrificing her own needs (and possibly thinking about something new). And I assured him (as well as many other men that’ve had this conversation with) that his spouse may not feel that his performance is all that great either. Thus she’s putting the same efforts into these lack luster sessions as he is. You get what you give. When ever your spouse feels that being with you becomes a duty, he/she will no longer feel a desire for intimacy. Because now it becomes one of those chores that we must do but really lack the time, patience or energy to complete.

You’ll experience this lack when YOU as their spouse fail to continue to do the same things you did to get them, as a means of keeping them. Drafting a new member to your husband and wife team does nothing but add complications to a situation involving two people who’s business should be kept amongst themselves. The bedroom is the sanctuary of a married couples love; that’s designed to nurture the intimacy they share between one another, contained within the vows they took before God unto each other. Their flesh has become one. And the last thing anyone (man or woman) should want to do is bring forward someone who’s values for love and intimacy may not be the same as yours, or that may bring added drama into your union.

I personally can’t for the life of me understand why anyone would want someone else to view first hand the dysfunction between them and their spouse? The most intimate details that should shared between the woman/man in which you’ve formed a covenant before God should be taken before God, not “Sugar” the shake dancer.

But I found it funny how he loved his wife so much; and she was everything he ever wanted in a woman; but he was unwilling to ensure that she was just as satisfied as he wanted to be. He couldn’t see how selfish he was in his desire for new flesh; using the cop-out that its in his nature as a man to want more than one lover. This ‘desire’ which is really greed was causing him to have a mental block, that was hindering his ability to see the sensuality in his wife. His self-proclaimed ‘freakiness’ was nothing more than a selfish justification to satisfy his lust for another woman. Because I’m sure he’s already got the woman he wants to introduce to his wife picked out. If he hasn’t already slept with her.

After an exchange of opinions, he finally admitted that he simply really wanted to leave his wife for another woman. Which is a classic case of someone thinking that the grass is greener on the other side.

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The Images of ‘Us’

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When will the Madness Stop?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What’s going on my people!!?!?!? Its been a while since I wrote last, and I had some free time, so I decided I would write a little before going to bed. I started thinking about a conversation I had with co-workers and I had about the movie ‘Norbit’ some time back. I was reminded of it when I saw this extremely large woman (black of course) ordering two number 2’s with a large diet coke from Mickey D’s. She reminded me of the character “Rasputia“; who was the star pupil through out the feature. Even though the movie was about the shy, good guy Norbit, the majority of the focus was Rasputia. She was the hideous, dark complexion, weave and wig wearing, morbidly obese, loud, rude, pushy, crass, scheming and unfaithful, love interest of Norbit; prior to him being saved by this skinny, beautiful, light complexion woman from his past (played by Thandie Newton). Her size was overly exaggerated, due to the issues she experienced when trying hard to fit comfortably in the driver seat of the compact car she drove through out the movie.

Now, some may not have taken her character personal which was actually played by Eddie Murphy himself. And most of my male co-workers felt that it was nothing more than a mere “comedy” or lack there of, written and produced by Eddie Murphy as a means of bouncing back after his divorce from his wife. But a  female co-worker of mine and I saw the movie a little different. Some may say that we where being ‘typical women’ and being over-analytical of a movie that was meant to be nothing more than pure entertainment; in which I personally understand that. I honestly don’t take any movie too seriously, after all it is a movie. But what was disheartening for me is the fact that when I saw this woman in line, I began to listen to some of the things that people where saying about her has she placed her order. One young man even compared her to the character as he and his peers began to chuckle. Of course they spoke on her weight, focused on her hair, her attitude and the fact that she was rude (because she was); and one ignorant brotha had the nerve to make the comment that women like her was the reason why he no longer dated black women 0_o.

As I calmed myself down after hearing his stupidity speak volumes of his over all character, it prompted me to bring this movie forward for discussion with my peers. Because I wanted to know how my people felt about such movies that depict black women as being the stereotypical “Rasputia” real-life characters.

We see Rasputia every day within the media in movies, in commercials, Ludacris and Red Man had a few in their rap videos and in our communities. The fact that we see a few in everyday life proves that there’s some truth to every stereotype; but honestly there has to come a time when enough becomes ‘enough’. I feel, the reason why “Rasputia” is so marketable is because:

There’s this myth that black women do not work out, for fear of sweating and messign up their hair.

Not only is it a myth, but for some black women it is a reality. There are black women who once their weaves and lace-front wigs or hair pieces have been sown in, sweating for them is not an option, in which this reminds me of the documentary “Good Hair” by comedian/actor Chris Rock. Some black women don’t even want you to touch their hair much less for it be ruined by sweat, induced by physical activity. Which for some of these women, they can and do become over weight, incapable of demonstrating cardio-vascular endurance and experience may unhealthy side affect (mentally, physically, emotionally and/or psychologically) as a result. I’ve witnessed black women refuse to work out or swim after getting their hair done, yet complain about being big and become depressed about their size. And it doesn’t help them over come bouts with depression and anxiety when they see such images of said black women being portrayed on the silver screen. I remember a black woman telling me that she’d walked out of the theater during the movie because she was outraged by how the Rasputia character was presented as being comedy, at the expense of black women who share the same physical attributes. She’d struggled with weight gain all her life; and the last thing she wanted was to see was such Tomfoolery being depicted of a black woman who’s physical features where a lot like hers.

People assume that Rasputia IS all plus sized, dark skin, black women.

American society (the world honestly) has been sold this ‘brand’ of black woman that fits the  stero-typical, hyper sexual, over weight, Aunt Jemima, Baby Mama, government assistance recipient black woman as being the over all description of most black women here in the U.S. Our own men even date and marry women from other countries, telling these women that he would rather be with them than Rasputia. So any time a black woman is plus size and dark in complexion, its automatically assumed that she’s unattractive, pushy, manly, overly aggressive, angry, loud, “ghetto”, and on the hunt for a man that she can push around and run over. And you’ll be surprised how many people actually think this way. They see Rasputia, and assign her imaginary personality traits to all black women who fit her physical description. Some black men (not all) steer clear of any woman whom “looks like she don’t play” and immediately assumes she’s the epitome of the character herself.  I’ll never deny that there are some black who’re a mirror image of Rasputia; but its a sad day when you see an entire ethnicity of women being cast into a generalized mold and told that they’re not worthy of being loved, because of how someone perceives their character, in relation to what’s being seen on T.V.

Keep in mind that some women are told this for so long, that eventually they start to conduct themselves in such a manner. If you’re told something long enough, you’ll soon start to believe it. Which is one of the main reasons why (I think) many of our women, dark, and plus size, have the nasty attitudes that embodies personality traits that gave birth to Rasputia.

OUR people don’t make it any better…

WE (black people) buy into these stereotypes!!!! Plain and simple. Many of us see ourselves the way we assume other people see us; and we incorporate this double consciousness of our individual selves that leads us to ‘act the part’. Thus, in our community, you’ll witness some black women who do not work out and gain excessive amounts of weight on the count of their hair. These women value the look of the fresh weaves or new hair-do’s more than that of their physical health. Physical attributes or artificial enhancements  (i.e. acrylic nails, weave, wigs, braids, mani/pedi-cures) for them means attracting a potential mate or ‘out-shining’ potential female competition. So if their hair and nails is always ‘did’, their shoe game is tight, and they stay fly, for these women, being in shape, eating right and taking care of one’s self doesn’t matter.

In our community, you’ll see the black women whom are told that they’re worth nothing more than finding some thug who needs a place to stay and a bed to lay in. So, these emotionally damaged women open thier homes and beds to disrespectful men. In the undertone message of Rasputia’s character, she was unfaithful to Norbit after all was said and done. No matter good Norbit treated her, she still ended up cheating on him with a skinny, po-pimp womanizer (played by Marlon Wayans). It was as if Norbit could never catch a break, he could never do anything right that pleased Rasputia, because she was always mad about something (this goes back to the angry, bitter stereotype of all black women). And the second she thought Norbit was looking at another woman, Rasputia did everything in her power to hurt him physically (letting him know) he would never do any better than her. Which is the same psychological war fare that some men use on women with low self-esteem (mainly the women who look like Rasputia) when incorprotating emotional abuse into her psyche. So Rasputia was using reverse-psychology on Norbit, breaking down his self -esteme, ensuring that he knew he would never be any good in his life unless she was in it. This was her way of showing him that even though she truly didn’t want him, she didn’t want him to have anyone else; for the mere thought of him being happy with another woman made her made enough to become physically abusive and aggressive.

Rasputia (like many women) wasn’t happy with herself, so she compensated for her unattractiveness, by hyping it up. She wore scantily, revealing, tasteless clothing (as you see many within the African American Community do) that showed much more than most wanted to see. Rasputia lacked fashion sense for her body type and was proud of it. The most memorable and culturally embarrassing scene to me would be the two piece bathing suit portion at the water park; where folds and roles, stretch marks, and  Kankels where introduced to the the audience. I felt this was a poke at the women who wear clothes that are two sizes two small, or that is not complementary to their body type.

My friends and I talked for almost two hours about this woman being seen as a ‘black woman’ in a movie that was written by a successful black man. I’m not sure if this was his way of getting back at all black women based upon the nasty divorce and rumored homosexual activity with R&B Singer Johnny GIll, or if he was just mad at black women in general. But I personally was a little sadden and disenchanted with the famed comedian who did “Delirious” and “48 Hours”. Yes, he did “The Klumps”, which picked upon obesity within the African American family, but I wasn’t really a fan of that either. One might say he made fun of Asians in “The Golden Child”, which happens to be one of my favorites. And yes, he does poke fun of everyone in some point in time in the majority of his comical sketches, movies and stand-up. So I’m not technically ‘complaining’; I’m just curious to know what do most of you think about the movie, and how black women are portrayed in the media?

The Gender Roles of Yester-Year

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September 1, 2010 marked my 32nd birthday. 32 years of being blessed, and able bodied to walk the face of this earth and accomplish many great things (in which I have).

I’ve served in the military for 10 years, I’m a supervisor at my current place of employment, I pay my own bills, enrolled in school full-time, a clean bill of health, financially stable. I would say I have more than most whom wish they where walking in my shoes.

But for some strange unexplainable reasons, I’m single! 0_o?

So many black women like myself are experiencing the same dilemma. We have all the chips in place (good job, education, financial stability, business and home owners, clean, well-kept, attractive and godly in most instances) yet we’re experiencing great difficulty wearing the title “Mrs”.

No husband, no children, just me, myself and I. Now, before I go out and purchase a ‘cat lady’ starter kit from the local ASPCA, I decided that it was time I do some self-evaluation; because I can only blame the media and society for what’s wrong with “me” as an individual for so long.  But I needed to get to the root of my own personal issues and find out why I and the many women like myself have yet to wed; as well as what I can do to change these ‘issues’ to make myself available for marriage.I know marriage is not the know all, end all to happiness; I’m going to be honest if a woman is not happy with herself, then she won’t be happy with man. But I’m lonely! And I’m not ashamed to admit it.

“Things are not the Same as When Mom‘s and Pop’s Hopped the Broom”

I keep hearing all this talk about how marriage was ‘back in the day’; and how when folks got married they married for better for worst. assuming that generations past took their wedding vows more serious than that of people to date. This may be true for many people, but something that I’ve personally find with many people in my life who’re married is that the family dynamics of today is not the same as it was 50 years past. In those days; men where the bread winners,  plain and simple. They went to work (mostly labor jobs), worked hard, bought home the bacon and assumed the role as head of the household. 

Daughters were taught how to be women. Most of us who grew up in my mothers day learned how to cook and clean, how to rear children and the importance of caring for a family. And they were taught find a man who could provide for them and their children.

Young men were groomed to be providers. Responsible community leaders, educated wise men who worked hard, and where self-reliant. Women knew their roles and men knew theirs. And there was very little to no ‘bluring’ between the lines.

Many would say the Feminist movement shattered these gender (exceptions) roles and have endanger the sanctity of the institute of marriage. I’ve heard many from the older generation state that Feminist have single-handedly ’emasculated’ men and have remade them into the more ‘kinder-genteler’ verson of  what constitutes a man. Givinf women and unfair advantage over men in work-force advancement, education and darn near domination in the house-hold, in politics and society.

You chose which ever you feel is correct, but I personally wondered what was so different about the teachings of yester day vs. today.

Daughters don’t really play with dolls any more….

I personally was taught as a young girl was taught what I call the 5 G’s:

Both my mother and my father taught me that my primary goals in life as a black woman was to become further educated! They stayed on  my back side about my grades, my mother was order by my father to sit down with me for at least two hours a night to go over my homework, ensure I understood the materials and passed my test. My father checked my grades, and if I had below a C+ (and that was if he was in a good mood) that was my ass. No if, ands, or ‘butts’ about it. I did my work, I par-took in extra curricular active that ensured I was not getting involved with the wrong crowd, and that would pave a way to college. We had no money, and my father knew that education was key to me becoming stable later on in life. He himself admitted that it would be a strong possibility that I would either be an unwed mother, or I would be single with no children. And he knew that I was going to need skills and training that would assist with me providing a decent living for myself. Because he didn’t want to see me on the streets selling myself, stripping on someone’s pole (literally) or becoming a ‘gold digger’. And he was the same way with my younger sister and brothers. His biggest saying was ‘Keep your legs and mouth closed, and keep your eyes and ears open’. Meaning stay off your back and learn the things you need to learn in life by listening in school and getting an education.

Now, I’m 32 years of age, working towards my bachelors, with several military/civilian equivalent certifications, employed as a computer analyst and no husband and/or children.

Most black women, hell most women in general that I know personally have received the same lessons in life. I wouldn’t say that feminist are the cause of this hard-knocks approach to life; but I honestly feel that women and men from my mother and fathers generation saw how difficult it is for a woman to raise a child(ren) on her own. Especially if she has very little to no education, work force experience and/or certifications/degrees. My father was raised by his mother; and my mother was raised by her mother. Both had alcoholic and abusive fathers, and were forced to live in dysfunctional homes. And their mothers had no money, worked odd jobs and barely scraped by. Both agreed that they didn’t want to see my sister and I suffer the same fate.

This positive reinforcement of encouragement has become my curse. Because now when I meet a man, I can’t tell him what I do, where or who I work for, how much money I make, or what I own, because if I do; I’m most defiantly casted into this generalized (stereotypical) category of being an ‘overly independent’ black woman. Most men who meet me feel they have nothing to offer me, so it’s a waste of time even trying to talk to me. Granted, (and this is not to say I have a chip on my shoulder) many of the men I do talk to may not have the same level of education, or training and work experience as myself. Thus I thinks issues within themselves would surface if they where to become involved with me (issues with man-hood and self-esteem)  Some may fear that I would seek to dominate him and wear the pants in the relationship as well. Lets be honest, some women who have a little something going for themselves do act this way. And they make it bad for those of us who are just searching for someone to share our lives with. But what I own, where I work or what degree’s a I posses has nothing to do with who I am as a woman. It doesn’t mean that I’m so career and success driven that I my longings for a man and his company are now null and void. Please my brotha’s, keep in mind that I make my money, my money doesn’t make me.

The Sowing of the Oats….

Even though my brothers, sister and I were taught to become further educated, and make something of ourselves in life. The lessons we learned in love where a little different. My sister and I were told to stay celibate and wait till marriage to find a ‘godly’ man and have before having sex. Were as my brothers were pretty much given a free fvck pass. They where not only taught, but strongly encouraged by my father to become sexually promiscuous with as many women as their hearts desire. He instilled in them, this destroy and conquer type of attitude that was accompanied with slight level of arrogance. They were told to never let their guards down and allow a woman to break them down (they’re men, and they should act and treated as such); never turn their backs on their bro’s for a hoe, and to never get serious about one woman until they’re about 50 years old (maybe later). They were told that as men, there was no need for them to settle down and start a family unless they’d traveled the world and experienced many women. My father would tell the stories of his sexual conquest to my brothers and males in company, as he allowed them to sip bear and flip through nudy magazines. It was a right of passage for the men in my family become indoctrinated into a misogynistic mind-set.

Which later lead to many failed relationships with good women, a baby mama of four, and the same battles with infidelity that my father and his brothers suffered. My brothers (both blood and friend alike) find it difficult to stay faithfully committed to one woman, because they’ve been taught for so long that it’s not in a mans nature to do so. Thus, they get married and soon end up divorced, paying alimony and child support. You’ll see these same men in their late 40’s to early 60’s; up in the club wearing a 3 piece suit and wing-tipped shoes looking for a young thang to keep them warm at night.

I’ve met many men who suffer from an inflated sense of their own worth. Feeling that they’ve yet to meet a woman who was worthy of them asking for their hand in marriage. As a friend in another blog put it

“It’s not that they’ve never met a woman who was unworthy of their hand in marriage, it’s that the brotha either strayed away looking for the next ‘bigger and better thing’ around the corner or they had such high standards that good women where unable to meet them.”

So many men have watched the whole parade of women walk by waiting for his chance at Mrs. America. Leaving a trail of broken hearts in the wake of this destruction, because he feels that he’ll someday meet Kim Kardashian or Beyoncé, and it will be love at first sight. And let’s be real (not all) but some brothers just have some serious issues in relationships. They’re bitter, suffer from the Angry Black man syndrome (the man is always out to get them), have issues with mama, racist, color struck (only date, marry, or have kids with a specific color of woman), and insecure. The same could be said for some women (we’re not to be left out). Any time men refuse to examine themselves and what they do wrong, it’s always linked back to ALL women as if they’ve met and know us all personally.

This is where ‘we’ women are all clumped into one category, shoved in a box labeled ‘same’ and left single. Even those of us who do play the traditional female roles (seek to be stay at home mothers, and want to be kept by a man) still have problems moving past the preconceived notions of modern woman over all.

If you’re edcuated, hold your own, and have something to bring to the table; you’re ‘too independant’, manly, and will seek to wear the pants in the relationship or marriage.

If you’re submissive, docile, what most would considered ‘feminine’ and play the traditioal role; you run the risk of being run over and  cheated on with the ‘bad girls’ who’re ‘too independent’.

If you’re the inbetween mixuter of the two, you still will possibly be single or experience many failed relationships; because you may possibly cross paths with men who’ve yet to finish sowing thier oats.

Honestly ladies, we’re damed if we do and damed if we don’t……..

Team Work Makes the Dream Work (Marriage is a Partnership, not a Dictatorship).

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I sometimes wonder what happens in someone’s relationship/marriage that caused it to come to an abrupt end. I see so many people around me happy go lucky one second in their lives and relationships/marriage; only to find out later they’ve filled for a separation and/or divorce. What’s so interesting to me, is when you open those ‘flood gates‘ of emotions by asking the opposing parties ‘what happened’? You get a variant of responses. Granted, each response will be based upon individual perception (and you’ll probably never really know what took place). But you find that its always the other persons fault 0_o? The individual speaking to you about the break up is alway’s innocent, never did anything wrong and never played a part in contributing to the dysfunction that lead to them going their separate ways.

“She wouldn’t cook and clean!!” one guy shouted to me as his whole mood changed from happy to psychotic.

“He would never give me time to myself” she stated as she boxed her ‘ex-mans’ stuff up in a box.

Both these people, was able to state any and everything they saw wrong with their signficant other, but the tone changed when I asked

“And what did you do?”

My grandmother (being the wise woman she was) told me that for every action there is a reaction. And when you care more about what makes you happy and completely disregard your partners needs, there will always be issues within that relationship/marriage. And in most cases it won’t work.

My guy friend didn’t understand that his ex wife didn’t have time to cook and clean the way he felt she should have, because he felt that her specific duties included devoting more of her time to him. Never mind the fact that they had children; he felt that it was her duty as a wife to give him sex when he ‘needed’ it. His excuses was that men love sex, and that the next woman he finds will understand (and agree) to that Yet, he’s never getting married again, he just wants a steady ‘common-law wife’. He complained about her ‘muffin top’ that magically appeared after having their children, and how she wasn’t working hard enough to work it off. He complained that the house was never cleaned properly, because every time he came home there was toys in the walkway’s and sticky stuff on the kitchen floor.

“How hard is it to cook a decent meal, keep the house clean and watch after the kids? I mean, its not like she has a job! All she does is sit on her fat ass watch soaps all day”.

Now, when you talk to his ex-wife, her story is a little different. She felt that he never did his fare share around the house to help out with the kids and keep the house clean. She felt that her sexual ‘rations’ where good enough to tie him over until later that night when the kids fall asleep. To her, as long as he was getting sex twice a day, that should have been good enough, because some men don’t even get that. She felt that she was feeling so much pressure to lose the baby weight, that it was becoming difficult for her to find the time and courage to get in the gym and work the weight off. He was constantly putting her down over how much weight that she’d gained after giving birth, that in stead of running on the treadmill he’d purchased for her birthday, she would eat ice-cream and cry. She tried keeping the house in order, but it was difficult to keep up with the kids, clean the house, cook a meal and still be sexy for him when he comes home.

“I’m being pulled in so many different directions now! I don’t know how to be a perfect mother, a good looking perfect wife and maintain a perfect house”

Even though I was regretting the fact that I even intervened in this lovers quarrel, I had to lend my 2 cents to both parties in regards to what I saw was wrong (from an outsiders perspective).

1. In stead of him complaining about the fact that she’d gained weight and hadn’t lost it after 3 years; he should have been supportive enough to be that encouragement she needed to get back in shape. If he was willing to spend $2,000.oo on a top notch treadmill, the least he could do was get on it once in a while himself to encourage her to do so, or pay for a memeber ship to a gym where they could work out together. Putting a woman down over weight she’s gained doesn’t help her lose the weight. It does one of two things

A. Makes her hate herself and completely destroy’s her self-esteem and confidence. Leaving her paranoid that she’ll be dumped for a smaller, younger, more beautiful looking woman (which could also drive her crazy).

B. Make her seek comfort in food. She’ll eat more and work out less; becoming completely withdrawn within herself, because she now realizes that her boyfriend/fiances/husband no longer finds her attractive.

Or

C. She could just leave and take the kids, since that is in many ways verbal abuse. Call someone Jabba the Hut, and Thunder-Tighs it not the what I personally would call ‘motivation’.

2. Instead of him complaining about the house not being clean, find a choir that he could do when he got home that would assist with taking care of the kids and keeping the house clean. He could start out with something simple as taking out the trash, washing the dishes after dinner, or getting the kids their bath/insuring they brush their teeth and tucking them in for the night. Even if he feels the ‘sticky stuff’ under his feet when entering the kitchen, he could also pick up a broom and mop and clean the floor once the day is over. This way she not only feels appreciated by the help she’s receiving from him, but she’ll feel as if her man loves and appreciates her enough to get on his hands dirty with housework. Thus, that’s one less choir she has to do, which saves more energy for sex later on that night. He could even go so far as to take a day off from work and help her around the house, or send the kids to their grandparents so they could have the house to themselves.

3. In stead of her trying to break her back being the ‘perfect wife/mother’ she should have been more concerned with being who she was as a person and doing the best she could to hold down the home-front. NO woman is perfect! No woman will be able to care for children who’re in between the ages of 2 and 3, while being in perfect shape, cooking the perfect meals and doing the right thing all the time, every time. She (and he) both needs to understand that being a mother is a full time job and can be both tiring and rewarding. If he had a problem with her weight, start trying to cook meals and find ways to cut back on the caloric intake and lose it. And she should have looked at it as losing weight to become more healthy and happy with herself, not just trying to lose weight to look sexy in a Teddy. This is a perk, but getting in shape requires healthy eating habits and a healthy self-image.

4. She should have created a daily schedule or routine for herself that would assist with becoming more organized and effective in her daily tasking. She could have designated an area in the house that was strictly for play for the kids; that would be sectioned off from the rest of the  house. Feed the kids snacks at a set time (getting them on a routine) so that there’s not a mess when ever her soon to be ex-husband would come home. By that time he gets there, the house would be clean (less the kids play area), dinner would be cooked and ready and they could sit down as a family to eat. Thus, the husband do his part by possibly washing the dishes and getting the kids ready for bed while she ‘freshen up’ if you know what I mean.

Most importantly, they both should have been woman and man enough to talk about their problems and finding solutions. When two people come together as one, they’re saying that they’re willing to work on their differences and finding ways to compromise in order to make things work. But I’m finding that most people of today have no  idea what it takes to get married and stay married (nor do they care too).

Breaking up, separating/divorcing does noting to solve the problem, if the individual is unwilling to acknowledge problems within themselves and work on them. The same ‘bags’ you had in that marriage will be carried over into the next marriage if you’re not careful.