For Those Who Go Beyond Boundaries

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The Top Twelve Reasons Why So Many Good Black Men Are Still Single (Just a hint, Its Black Women)

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I love reading articals such as this one. Because it further demonstrates to me that ‘we’ as a people really need to wake up, and stop playing the blame game.

So, just a basic synopsis, it all boils down to the pits falls of black women according to this article.


Black Women, (according to this article) are the top 12 reasons why so many (good) black men are still single.
Never mind the possibility that maybe (just maybe) some black men still have unresolved issues with past relationships that are hindering their ability to engage in happy and healthy relationships with “good women” in their present. Because its a myth that some black men cheat on, misuse and/or abuse women; due to a fear of experiencing re-occuring hurt. Dismiss that, because its all a ploy by ‘the man’ to destroy the image of black men.

There’s no chance that some black men may also be superficial. Spending more time looking for the women who look like Miss. Black America while lacking the ability to get to know her for who she is (beyond her sex and what she looks like).

And there’s no way that some black men (or men in general) have a negative view of all women (womanizers); and it doesn’t matter her skin, looks, or levels of education; he’s just resentful towards the female gender period. And last I checked, its nearly impossible to engage in a healthy relationship with the people you deem to be your enemy. Trust me when I say I’ve meet a few brothers like this in my time.

It all boils down to the fact that black women fail to realize the worth of a black man. We’re superficial, materialistic, indecisive, have unrealistic expectations and don’t know what a good man looks like when they see one. Thus, the continued perpetual ‘blame game’ that black men and women willingly engage in, while conveniently absolving one’s self of all responsibility for how ‘we’ as individuals contribute to the dysfunction in our unions with the opposite sex.

This is no different than a scored woman blaming her broken past with men on the ageless excuses that ‘all men are dogs’; even though she keeps choosing ‘dogs’ because she believes that’s what she deserves. The people that any man or woman choses to engage in a relationship with is a reflection of how these individuals see themselves. And if you continue to get with people who only like you when you have money, when you’re having sex or when you look good, then you value yourself as being nothing more than the physical tangibles that can and will change with time. Or, you chose people who’ll treat you with the little worth and respect that you limit yourself too.

I PERSONALLY feel that the major sticking points in this article should resolve to the fact that its all about one’s choices in life. And these choices are honestly (to me) not gender specific. Because no two women or men are the same; so the blanket generalizations and stenotypes do not apply to all situations. WE (men and women) have all been over looked by a potential mate at some point in time in our lives. But to say that black women (or black men for that matter) is the reason why an individual whom society deems as being ‘good’ or a good catch is single is preposterous!

Sometimes “WE” think we’re good; but there are people and past lovers who’ll beg to differ. People see things within us that we don’t see in ourselves; and if we’re unable/unwilling to acknowledge the positives and negatives of our personality traits and habits, that too can lead one to live a single life.

Not to mention not being willing to compromise of one’s views of gender roles (traditional vs. modern), possible hang ups with religious beliefs (if any) and even an inability to see the opposite sex as being equal in value or worth (i.e. women aren’t as smart as men, or don’t contribute to society on the same level as men); these are all hang ups that some men have that I feel are worth mentioning in this article.

Lets not forget about this culture of being unfaithful. Before you become enraged, I’m not saying that ALL black men can’t be faithful to one woman. But there’s this social falsehood influencing SOME men that being faithful to one woman is not in a man’s nature.  I beg to differ with that; because no matter how many women a man beds, there will always be one woman that remains his true love. And if your heart is with this one woman, but you fail to acknowledge or accept her as being the woman meant to be your wife; this too can leave you single. You’ll waste time seeking completion in empty women (the loose women you chase after) due to the fact that you’re pride won’t allow you to admit and accept the fact that you’ve honestly already found what you’re missing in the woman you continue to reject (for fear commitment).

But, for the author and those who’re in agreement, it all comes down to none other than the misguided, superficial, untrustworthy, scorned and resentfully bitter black woman. The ‘bed winches’ of slave owners, who’re brainwashed by a society that rejects black love and keeps us divided.

And black men themselves have very little to do with their singleness.

I love it! Its like saying, I burn my self repeatedly, but its my mothers fault that I refuse to take my hand off the stove top burner.

How convenient it is to blame other people for where “we” as individuals fall short.


“Fatherly Advice”

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Let’s have some ‘real talk’ here. Cause I’m a little heated right now!

This past Wednesday, I had the honor of offering my videographer services to “Urban Cusp” and Panama Jackson of Very Smart Brothers; for the “Blackness In the Media” town hall meeting. It was uplifting, inspirational, and a breath of fresh air to see so many ‘naptural‘ brothers and sisters in attendance; engaging in enlightening debate about the double-conciousness of ‘black folks’ and how we portray ourselves in the media.

But something very troubling was brought to my attention, that I honestly had no knowledge off until that function.

Rapper and I guess ‘street pimpologist’ Todd Anthony Shawbetter known by the stage name Too Short (stylized as Too $hort), was witnessed conducting a video interview with the hip hop magazine XXL; where’ he was advising young boys (middle schoolers) on how to ‘turn a girl out’. According to his pimp logic; the rapper advises young middle school age boys how to dip their hands in the sexual goodie bag. His advice was some where along the lines of inappropriate to borderline advocating the sexual assault of young women in the same age range.

Too $hort:

“When you get to late middle school, early high school and you start feeling a certain way about the girls… I’m gonna tell you a couple tricks. This is what you do, man. A lot of the boys are going to be running around trying to get kisses from the girls, we’re going way past that. I’m taking you to the whole different level. Find a girl, throw her up against the wall, and put your hand down her pants. Play with her mind”

The video went viral! The bloggasheper blew up and people lost their minds. Feminist where (and still are) calling for the resignation of the magazines chief editor and many where suggesting that the rapper provide funding to various charities that deal with young black and latino women who’re victims of rape/sexual assault. Some even took it a step further and recommend that the rapper spend a designated amount of volunteer man hours at a rape crisis center. In which, as a Sexual Assault Victims Advocate, I have to say I agree. I think that he’s so use to being a ‘pimp’ or in pimp mode that it may do him some good to see the physical, mental, emotional and psychological effects of rape/sexual assault on a young woman.

Side Note: For those of you who don’t know, ‘turning a girl out’ means to turn a good person with minimal or shy sexual experiences into a freaky, sex crazy individual; or to lead a woman into prostitution. Normally the man turning a woman out becomes her pimp; and now owns rights the money (her body) that she makes from selling herself. And he’s successful in getting her to conform to his wishes through violent acts of rape/sexual assault and physical abuse. 

Once he and the magazine realized the hornets nest had been stirred, he immediately reached out and offered what I call an apology just short of saying “F You”, I do what I want; by issuing this statement:

“I want to apologize to anyone I may have offended with the XXL video interview I recently did. When I got on camera I was in Too $hort mode and had a lapse of judgement.I would never advise a child or young man to do these things, it’s not how I get down. Although I have made my career on dirty raps, I have worked over the years to somewhat balance the content of my music with giving back to the community. Just coming from a man who wants to see young people get ahead in life, I’m gonna do my best to to help and not hurt. If you’re a young man or a kid who looks up to me, don’t get caught up in the pimp, player, gangster hip-hop personas. Just be yourself.”—XXL Staff

This man and XXL is not sorry ladies and gentleman.

Charity doesn’t make it Right

But I love how these “rappers” feel that by doing what they call “giving back” (i.e. buying some little league football equipment or opening up a recreational center in the hood) it’s going to reverse the negative affects of the media in which they pedal. To me, Its a free pass for them to sleep at night knowing that the album they just pushed out the studio will be forgiven if they sponsor a pool party for the under-priviagled youth at the “back to school splash jam.

How can you “Jokingly” advocate how you feel women are nothing but tricks that need to be pimped; and then find the mind to do community/charity work for the very same women who’re listening to YOU talk about them your rap songs?

Giving money to the poor doesn’t take away from the fact that your music and rap videos demonstrate negative stereotypes of black people (black women) world wide!

And what the hell is “Too$hort Mode“? Is that a new defense we can use when we do something wrong; knowing we know better? So I guess when a man backhand’s a woman he can now use the defense that he was in “Too$hort” mode and couldn’t determine right from wrong at the moment.

Does he have a switch on his ass that he flips ‘on and off’ during an interview?

We know You’re Sorry, but what’s you excuse? 

I couldn’t wait to hear what he had to say in response to this debacle of ignorance, so here’s his explanation on Hip Hop “See, what had happened was….”

He claims it was a joke gone wrong. Stating that he was ‘going with the flow’ of the interview and that he thought (which is where he made his first mistake in my opinion)  it would be funny to throw those tid-bits of pimp knowledge out to young men on how to get into a woman’s head. Based upon what little I do know of Too$hort and his career (as well as his background) he’d aspired to be one of two things in his life; and that’s a rapper or a pimp. And he was actually both before he made his first hit song/record and become internationally known as a rap artist. While pimping and hustling, he made money on the side by creating rap mix tapes on at the request of people in his community. Which is really how he was discovered. Thus, I don’t feel he’s sorry for what he said or did, in my honest opinion he’s sorry over the fact that he got caught and his comments were made public.

I’m sure he engages in conversations of such nature with family and friends on a daily basis, which is why he was so comfortable making such remarks . As my grandmother use to say “from the heart the mouth speaks”. I HOPE his rap persona is not that strong the point where he can’t determine when he’s lil Todd Shaw vs. Too$hort. And if he is having a battle within himself (hearing voices in his head) he may wan to seek the assistances of a trained mental health specialist.  I pray that you go and take care of that as soon as you can my brother.

And this is just my assumption of him, because I don’t know him personally, but I’m sure that as a former (or maybe even current) pimp; he’s ether tried this and was successful, or have taken his actions a step further in order to ‘break’ a woman in like a wild Philly. This man is speaking from personal experience, and he’s even stated in previous interviews that what he raps about is ‘real ish’. It’s what he knows; because for him its real life. Meaning his lyrics are a direct reflection of how he lives (or has lived) his life, so he speaking realistically when providing such informative advice.

There are no ‘punch lines’ that include Rape and Sexual Assault 

I grew up in an environment where I’ve witnessed women close to me become victims of rap, molestation and sexual assault. I’ve watched almost every woman in my family at some point in time in their lives become either witnesses or victims of domestic violence that was accompanied by sexual assault at the hands of a lover or spouse. This is reality for A LOT of women both young and old, even the young women who’re in the same age range as Too$hort’s targeted audience. There are women who’ve witnessed and experienced the same atrocities world-wide!  thus, there’s nothing funny about it.

Subjects such as rape, sexual assault are not to be taken lightly much less joked about! The is no punch line in physically violating someones personal space. And this is why I feel he wasn’t joking, because as a self-proclaimed pimp I’m sure he’s done that and possibly even worse to women whom he’s turned out and tricked.

Now, I understand he makes his living off dirty rap lyrics, and projecting this image of himself as being a gansta pimp who has no love for them h03’s. By all means, it’s a free country, we live in a capitalist society run by supply and demand. WE as black folks demand that crap, thus the rap industry continues to supply it. I and no one else in this world can stop you from projecting that negativity unto anyone stupid enough to buy into it. But this most recent incident (including many in the past) is a prime example of the foolishness that Black People allow to be projected of ourselves. WE  feed that media machine that continuously cranks out images of “us”; as being hyper-sexual, sex crazed, psychopathic deviants that will do anything to anyone and any body (legally and illegally) to get our rocks off or for financial gain. We’re the only ethnicity of people who feature artists are introduced to the world, its through negativity (i.g. stereotypical behavior of a black man/woman) vs. that of ‘other’ people who have to mess up first (get arrested for drug position and intoxication) for us to see them negatively.

Same Thang, different Ninja

Almost all rappers, look, dress, rap and act the same. I bet one months rent that anytime you see a modern-day main stream rap video, its features the big booty, big chi-chi ‘red bone’ being pushed up on; or engaging in borderline soft porn with a rap star on screen, while he’s showing off his “jesus piece” (they love bringing the lord in their mess don’t they?), flashing his grills and throwing stacks of money at the camera. Almost every lyric you hear in todays ‘hip hop’ (if you can even call it that) consist of the following factors

1. Money and how much of they have on hand or make annually

2. Women (aka hoe’s)

3. Name brand clothes

4. What car they’re driving (year, make and model, suicide doors included)

5. How many levels there is too their homes (the homes they don’t own) that can be foreclosed upon at anytime if their records don’t sale.

6. What they’re drinking if they’re ‘buying out the bar’ and ‘popping and pouring out bottles’ on a strippers head as she slides down a pole.

7. How often they have sex, with whom they have sex with, and how many times (with the number of partners) they’ve engaged in the act.

8. How much ‘weight’ they’re pushing (i.e. trafficking narcotics)

9. Mabach’s and Private jets that can whisk them away from one country to the next (knowing darn well they’re lying).

10. Their rap sheet (arrest record).

11. Their penis and how long or big it is. This seems to be the staple of Black male masculinity in African American culture. Some mistakenly assume that all black men are well endowed (which is not true) and they capitalize on that by bragging about how they use their family jewels as a means of demonstrating their dominance over women and even other men. I’m assuming they feel that in claiming bragging rights to one’s anatomy, they can demonstrate a level of control over the women they come in contact with through ‘breeding’; or demonstrate to other men that they’re not ‘big enough’ to hang with the ‘big dogs’; thus he should know his place and stay on the porch.

Todays rap artist have allowed media moguls in the entertainment industry to corrupt a form and style of music that was once used to uplift and socially educate a generation of people who gave birth to its origins; by turning it into a form of brainwashing that leaves many of our unstable youth into assuming that the only way to achieve that level success is to:

A. Become a rapper and sell their souls in the same manner as all the other cookie-cutter artist have. Thus they become actively engaged in the modern-day cake walk that we know call rap.

B. Portray the image of being a tatted up, thugged out, drug dealing, organized crime boosting, womanizing “rap artist” (using the term loosely) that’s more engrossed in his/her image than his/her talent.

C. He/she must be a womanizer that has very little to no respect for women (and this must be evident in the images and lyrics projected in the songs and music videos); or willingly engage in a diluted form of prostitution by building a brand based upon sexual promiscuity, and your T&A.

Rap today is pretty much a modern-day rendition of the racist movies “Good Bye Uncle Tom” and “Birth of a Nation” in one. And because ‘we’ as a people settle for what the media feeds us, our kids gobble it up like a stack of hotcakes, because “we’ are not willing to provide mentally nourishing food for thought; that promotes positivity. Any one who tries too is  shut out, called ‘weak’, ‘lame’ and their product gets no air time. We don’t wanna hear nor see it! And we wonder why our kids are out of control, engaging in sexual acts that most of us as adults have never tried, and have no desire to be anything in life other than a celebrity.

And we’re always the most boisterous in how we disapprove of our images in the media; but I guess its cool when we’re the one’s doing it right?

We need to do better in order to expect better from our people!

He was not playing

Rapper Todd Shaw, "Too$hort".